I couldn't stop smiling for her and Andrew.
I asked her if she would mind me sharing this post with my readers (because I love it so much!) and she sweetly allowed me, so y'all go visit her blog here and send her some love!
Morgan's Disclaimer: I wrote this post assuming my very small audience was predominately female, and therefore comfortable with words like tampon. Apologies to the men folk.
No, we were not trying. (Isn't that always the first question?) But ok, fine, we were not not-trying-very-hard. So while it was certainly a surprise, I cannot say it was a mystery. I was not prepared though - there was no charting, no preemptive increase in vitamins or folic acid, and my alcohol consumption that month ran par for the course. Admittedly, babies had been something I sometimes had the courage to ask Andrew for after a late night over drinks... There was in fact a real silent stirring, it had been there for a little while, but I couldn't bring myself to seriously verbalize the desire. I was still figuring out if it made any sense and if I was confident enough to bring it up in the bright sunshine of sobriety. I kept a running list of pros and cons in my mind.. but basically it was a decision I could not make, and didn't have to. A baby fits into our life perfectly, and so Life should have it.
The last week of October came and I woke up every morning with what felt like bad menstrual cramps. I was so certain it was PMS I made Andrew stop at the grocery on the way to work for a new box of tampons. Needless to say, that box still sits unopened in our linen closet.
That Friday -October 26- I had the day off. I was home alone, doing laundry. All day long I felt like I was going to start, but then...nothing. It had been that way the entire week. I thought I might be a few days late, but I wasn't really sure. I had only been off of the pill for a couple of cycles and figured my body was still getting back into the natural swing of things. I felt silly even considering a pregnancy test when all my PMS signs were so obviously apparent, but I was frustrated. My body was not making sense to me. Around 2 in the afternoon I Googled something like "pregnant and period cramps". It took three different forums to convince me that cramping definitely still happens when you are pregnant. Gasp!
What do I do? Should I wait until Andrew gets home from work? Should I tell him I want to take a test? Is this a conversation we can have via text message? Should I just take it and not tell him - it is probably going to be negative and there is no need in worrying or exciting him over nothing. Should I wait another hour or so? I really feel like my period will start any minute now.
I waited about 20 minutes and then went to pee on the stick. I was so nervous about doing it right (...all you have to do is pee, you really cannot mess it up); I read the instructions a few times first. I counted to 5 and then capped it, set it on the ground, and averted my eyes. I would leave it there on the bathroom floor for the prescribed 3 minutes and then come back in and check.
Oh! but maybe just a quick look before I leave it. Yup, the first pink line is obviously there. Good, at least we know the test is working. But what is that really faint line next to it. My eyes are just confused because the bathroom light is off and the sun is not that bright...
But I couldn't leave the room without being absolutely sure that second line was just my imagination! 15 seconds later, the second line was as dark and blatant as the first...and two lines definitely means PREGNANT (I double-checked that a couple of times).
So, I just sat there in the bathroom floor. Just me and my TWO(?!) pink lines... and a baby? realizing I was not alone was half parts creepy, half parts sweet, mostly surreal. I didn't cry. For some reason I always imagined I would cry. But there was no rush of emotions, no overwhelming feelings. I was just stunned. Not really excited, not really scared, not really upset. Just shocked. A full range of thoughts started flying --
"What have we done?" "Did we want this?"
"Finally I get to have a little Andrew to hang out with all day!"
"Is this real?"
"Oh shit, I drank a lot of beer this month."
"This kid is going to have such an awesome smile!"
"...Is it going to 'stick'?"
Please stick.
Please, stick.
I didn't text or talk to Andrew at all for the rest of the afternoon. I didn't want to tell him over the phone, and I couldn't have a conversation with him without telling him. I just spent a few hours with my little secret, wondering if I could communicate with the growing bundle of genes and love telepathically. (I still think this should work!)
Around 6pm I started getting ready for Andrew. I put way too much thought into my outfit for the evening - I was very concerned with looking beautiful and sexy and glowing but certainly NOT pregnant, for the big moment when I tell my husband for the first time that I AM pregnant. I picked a green dress because it is my only green dress, and I wanted to make my eyes look greener. I wore high heels. I put on lip gloss. At 6:45 I greeted him at the door. silent and grinning like a goofball.
How was your day?
::WHY am I so nervous?!::
Got any funny work stories for me?
I didn't cook because I thought we should go out for dinner tonight.
Want to change clothes?
Want to rest on the couch first?
Ok I'll lay on the couch with you. In my dress and heels.
Let's just relax in the silence for a minute after your long day at work.
...
...
...
(whispering and choking on nerves) "I'm pregnant."
Andrew (eyes immediately pop open): "Right now?"
Me: "Uh huh."
Then only smiles, all around, and no thought of how ridiculous his only question was.
I took a second test the next day, just to be sure.
And despite years of Andrew insisting that all of his offspring would ALL, always, ONLY be boys.... it took about 5 whole days for him to change his mind completely.