Today I'm gonna introduce yall to Kaitlyn! She is a super sweet blogger (with fantastic recipes btw) and just so happens to be moving to my favorite state in the country: Colorado.
Consider me super jealous.
I asked her to share some marriage/relationship advice while I was out of town and she did just that, and she did it very wonderfully, might I add.
Thanks so much Kaitlyn!
(. . . and be sure to check out her Football Tailgate Recipe link up she's hosting here!)
I'm so happy to be visiting today from over at Wifessionals. I recently got married in June and it was, hands down, the best decision I've ever made. And even though I love my husband so much it hurts, making the transition to be his wife was a lot harder than I could have ever imagined.
Now everyone comes from different life situations, so some of you may not find all of these things to be true in your case, but I'm just going to share what happened to me. I'm 25 years old. I've known I wanted to get married for as long as I can remember. I always felt that my ultimate purpose in life was to get married and have children. I believed (like a lot of girls) that I would meet my prince charming earlier in life and would get married right out of college. I was basing this dream on the fact my parents met when they were 16 and got married at 23. Well when graduation rolled around, there was no prince charming in sight. That forced me into making a life plan of my own and getting a big girl career. Now I will admit that there has been times in my life where I thought it would have been awesome to get married, right out of school, and be able to be a stay at home wife until I was able to be a stay at home mom...but that its not what happened. I got a salaried job, accompanied by real life bills, heath insurance and 401Ks.
So when Ryan walked into my life, that's what it was - MY life. I was completely independent, successful and proud of the little life I had built over the past 3 years. But I desperately wanted to find my true love and have someone to share everything with. So when Ryan proposed, it was the happiest day of my life at that point. I couldn't believe this dream I had had for years, was finally a reality. I was so excited and so into planning the wedding and our life together, that nothing was getting me down...until a few weeks before the big day.
No one warned me of the things that were about to happen. It started on my last day of work. Ryan found out 2 months before the wedding that we would have to move after the honeymoon. He was getting restationed to Arizona. I tried to find a job transfer, but because we were going to the middle of nowhere, there was nothing. My dad and I worked for the same company, so this particular afternoon I was signing offline for the last time and he decides to send me a note on instant messenger. It said, "Okay...one final goodbye as you leave the company. Went by quickly. See you soon. Love Dad...." Well I started crying. And then I cried for an hour straight. It finally hit me that everything that had defined my life for the past few years was about to disappear. I was Kaitlyn A. I was a daughter and a sister. I was a quality engineer. I lived in Nashville. Now I was going to be Kaitlyn B. I would be a wife, and an Army wife at that. I would not have a job, I would be a domestic engineer (aka a stay at home wife).
I was used to calling my dad or family about everything. I knew they would still be there for me and always love me, but now Ryan was the one taking care of me. He's the one that would help me with my car or help me with finances. Switching to that mentality is harder than you think. Especially if you are super close with your family and your dad. But I moved forward and we got married and moved out to Arizona.
Once Ryan started back to work every day, I had a lot of adjusting to do in my new life. I had to change my name. That is a very complicated process. I plan to do a whole entry for my blog based around that. The last thing I changed was my voicemail. Re-recording it with my new last name sounded strange. Then I sat for over an hour and practiced signing my new name. Once I accepted my new title, I had to figure out how to make sense of my new career - a homemaker. For awhile, Ryan would come home and I'd say, "Today I cleaned the bathrooms, vacuumed, did three loads of laundry..." I felt like I had to justify what I was doing all day. I felt like I was making a contribution when I had a 9-5, but it was harder to realize that Ryan really appreciated what I was doing at home too. He always has groceries, a lunch for work, dinner on the table and a clean house. He LOVES that. Yes, it was scary for me to think about the fact that we are on a single income and that maybe I'm not pulling my fair share around here...but Ryan has said time and time again, he loves me staying at home and taking care of all the chores he hates, and if I ever want to work or do something else, he would support me 110%.
Well there's nowhere to work out here, so for now I know this is what I am supposed to be doing. I'm a loving wife, I work my butt off every day at home and I take care of our little puppy - she's a handful!!
Now I don't know what your situation is. Maybe you'll get married or have gotten married and were able to keep your job. Good for you! Maybe you didn't have to move across the country like I did. You're lucky! But the point of this is, as the woman in the relationship, I think you have a lot more adjusting than a man does when you get married. Your identity changes - ::the majority of the time:: You have a new man in your life, you're no longer just your daddy's little girl. You get a new name, the name you've had for decades disappears. You may get a new career, your past titles and positions may not define anything about you anymore. You may even find yourself in a completely new world, like the Army life.
So, SO many things can change when you get married - and it's ok to freak out. It doesn't make you a bad person or mean that you love your new hubby any less. It just means you're growing. You're letting go of your old life and welcoming in a new chapter. I will be the first to admit that it can be scary and confusing and it might take you awhile to find your new groove, but once I worked through all the adjusting I could not be happier or more blessed. I wake up every morning so thankful to God for everything he has given me and for finally bringing me my prince charming!